I was born in a tribal village in central Africa. Spawned from the forbidden love between a chieftain's supposedly virginal daughter and UNICEF volunteer my life's journey has brought me from eating grubs from an earthen bowl to the bright skyline of major American cities. I paid my way through college working security at the local casino that would invite a variety of 70s and 80s rockers to town. I saw many things that few would wish to see, such as fat middle-aged rocker chicks dressed up in too-tight jeans and teased bangs fighting over who was going to blow the drummer (not even the original drummer, mind you) of an 80s band.
After college I made my way back to Africa where I was treated like a deity because of my Ipod. I traded a used etch-a-sketch for 17 cows. Upon my return to America I used my bartering skills to help Manny Ramirez sign his most recent endorsement deals for a specialty dreadlock barbershop in Omaha, Nebraska and some skin creams that highlight Manny's natural radiant beauty.