What Did We Get Stuck In Our ****s This Year?

[ArbySooner]

As in past years, the Sun Sentinel has created a searchable database of emergency room visits around the country. And as in past years, we have trolled the data for the finest examples of insertions showcasing extraordinarily bad luck and/or ingenuity.
Sorted by orifice, working south:

Ear:
KEY
BUTTON
HOT WAX
PLASTIC DART
PIECE OF PAPER
"TOOTHPICK AND THEN HAIRPIN"
WOOD
SCREWDRIVER
PLASTIC DRINKING STRAW
ERASER
FLY
RUBBER BAND
KNIFE

Nose:
DIXIE CUP
HAIR BARRETT
"TWO KITCHEN MAGNETS IN EACH NOSTRIL"
COLORING PENCIL
NICKEL
WAD OF TOILET TISSUE
MARDI GRAS BEAD
SMALL TOY
PIECE OF PLASTIC HANGER
PICK-UP STICK
"BB PELLETS WHILE TRYING A MAGIC TRICK"
SCREW
STICKER
CRUCIFIX
BATTERY
TOY DIAMOND
"A PENNY OR POPCORN IN NOSE, SEEMS BOTHERED"

Throat:
LEMON SEED
MAXI PAD
CHECKER
THIMBLE
THUMBTACK
BUTTERFLY
PLASTIC TOY GUN
STAPLE
KEYCHAIN RING
NAIL
MODEL TOY AIRPLANE

****:
SPOON
PLASTIC ZIP TIE
FORKS
ORNAMENT
"PIECE OF TIMBER"
PEN
SODA CAN POP TOP

****:
BEDPOST
"WAS DARED TO PUT A COSMETICS BOTTLE IN ****"
TOY MICROPHONE STAND
SPOON
"**** RING THAT BECAME DISLODGED"
METAL BAR
2 SPONGES
PIECE OF BASKETBALL SHORTS
SEWING NEEDLES
"PATIENT STATES SHE SLIPPED & FELL ONTO A TOY TRUCK WHILE CLEANING"
HAIRSPRAY CAP
TUB STOPPER
"12YOF GOING THROUGH MOM'S DRAWER, FOUND **** SHAPED 'PLEASURE ITEM,' EXPERIMENTING PUTTING IN HER ****, COULDN'T GET OUT"

****:
FRENCH BREAD
HAND WRENCH
CIGARETTE LIGHTER
CRAYON
"STUCK TOY IN **** AND BROKE OFF, SAW MOM INSERT TAMPON AND MIMICKED"
VIAL OF BATH SALTS
ARTIFICIAL CHRISTMAS TREE BRANCH
DRUM STICK
VINEGAR BOTTLE
LOTION BOTTLE
MOUTHWASH BOTTLE
SHAMPOO BOTTLE
BABY BOTTLE
"LOOFA W/SUCTION CUP W/HOOK ATTACHED"

http://m.deadspin.com/5971049/what-d...tums-this-year

[Julz]

****:
FRENCH BREAD
HAND WRENCH
CIGARETTE LIGHTER
CRAYON
"STUCK TOY IN **** AND BROKE OFF, SAW MOM INSERT TAMPON AND MIMICKED"
VIAL OF BATH SALTS
ARTIFICIAL CHRISTMAS TREE BRANCH
DRUM STICK
VINEGAR BOTTLE
LOTION BOTTLE
MOUTHWASH BOTTLE
SHAMPOO BOTTLE
BABY BOTTLE
"LOOFA W/SUCTION CUP W/HOOK ATTACHED"

The Mathis Brothers have really stepped up their game

[RockFlagandEagle]

****:
PATIENT STATES SHE SLIPPED & FELL ONTO A TOY TRUCK WHILE CLEANING

So many things going thru my mind...small truck? large ****? Cleaning whilst naked?

[Gary Manilow]

By DRUMSTICK, do you think they mean musical instrument or chicken?

Also, suppository bath salts? I guess I've been doing it wrong...

[Sancho]

How the **** do you put french bread up your ****? Dude, you are doing it backwards.

[87sooner]

How the **** do you put french bread up your ****? Dude, you are doing it backwards.

wonder if he wipes his **** with a napkin and his mouth with tp

[RockFlagandEagle]

How the **** do you put french bread up your ****? Dude, you are doing it backwards.

Huge South Park fan.

[soonerintn]

Didn't know you could search a database for such things. I guess since the database isn't specifically for one hospital, then it passes Hipaa.

[RockFlagandEagle]

Didn't know you could search a database for such things. I guess since the database isn't specifically for one hospital, then it passes Hipaa.

No names?

[Tug Medick]

I love French bread

[McRib]

I usually hear about some icicle-in-the-vag/booty issues this time of year. They can injure, but, of course, melt, as opposed to becoming lodged.

[AcousticSoup]

I mean, who HASN'T slipped while cleaning and got a Hot Wheels lodged in their snatch?

[Concussed]

Let's see how many comments we can come up with in 20 seconds ala Tosh.0.

****: Soda can pop top:
I betcha I can open up this can a pop with my ****!

[soonerintn]

No names?

Doesn't matter if names aren't given. If enough info is given to where someone knows who it is, then it is a HIPAA violation. So if you were in Norman and described a 400 lb guy with a squash up his **** and someone overheard it. If they could deduce it was Ralph down the street, it is a HIPAA violation.

[Tug Medick]

I love squash.

[ArbySooner]

The Mathis Brothers have really stepped up their game

I guess they got bored with live animals.

[jdmt37]

I guess they got bored with live animals.

Wonder if that rumor's actually true??

[Soonerside]

I just saw a chick on myfreewebcams stick a champagne bottle up her ****, she will definitely need surgery in a year or two.

[melbitoast]

Who the **** and how the **** do you get a ****ed MAXI PAD stuck in your THROAT!?!?!

[ArbySooner]

Who the **** and how the **** do you get a ****ed MAXI PAD stuck in your THROAT!?!?!

Replace maxi pad with the variable X (item) and throat with the variable Y (orifice). Now you can go through nearly the whole list with that sentence.

[drumhead23us]

Who the **** and how the **** do you get a ****ed MAXI PAD stuck in your THROAT!?!?!

That is true love right there.

Also, if they mean an actual drum stick up the ****, that's not all that impressive...unless they took the whole length.

[Soonerrecruiter]

I recruit physicians and I get all kind of stories while I'm working... An example: One guy came in the ED with a raging urinary tract infection and severe bladder pain. Doctor did a scan and found that the guy had inserted a small snake in his urethra and it got loose and died in his bladder.

Lots of other stories with various item like an engine piston, coke bottles, broom handles, various small rodents and a ceramic frog... Some people have serious issues...

[87sooner]

I recruit physicians and I get all kind of stories while I'm working... An example: One guy came in the ED with a raging urinary tract infection and severe bladder pain. Doctor did a scan and found that the guy had inserted a small snake in his urethra and it got loose and died in his bladder.

Lots of other stories with various item like an engine piston, coke bottles, broom handles, various small rodents and a ceramic frog... Some people have serious issues...

at least they're not shooting people in malls/theaters/schools....
he needs another snake? hell i'd prolly buy it for him...

[jdmt37]

at least they're not shooting people in malls/theaters/schools....
he needs another snake? hell i'd prolly buy it for him...

[Boognish]

Wonder if that rumor's actually true??

True.
Nurses gossip.

[RockFlagandEagle]

Doesn't matter if names aren't given. If enough info is given to where someone knows who it is, then it is a HIPAA violation. So if you were in Norman and described a 400 lb guy with a squash up his **** and someone overheard it. If they could deduce it was Ralph down the street, it is a HIPAA violation.

Ya but there's no descriptions either...the only ones we can even tell the **** on is under the "****" section. And even then it could be bounce.

[ousooners9192]

The Mathis Brothers have really stepped up their game

hahahahahahahaha nice
havent heard a mathis brothers **** joke in a long long time

[jdmt37]

I used to date a really cool ****, freaky chick that liked a **** in her ****. One time it almost slipped into the abyss. I'm sure that would've been an interesting er visit.

[Tug Medick]

I love ****s

[ArbySooner]

I used to date a really cool ****, freaky chick that liked a **** in her ****. One time it almost slipped into the abyss. I'm sure that would've been an interesting er visit.

Did you pull it out with your teeth?

[KCRuf/Nek]

I used to date an ER nurse and she used to talk about this **** and I would never believe her. My favorite? The woman that came in with one of the 32oz GL**** Coke bottles up her snatch. WTF.

BTW, how many times you think Bounce clicked on this one?

[platypus]

http://m.deadspin.com/5971049/what-d...tums-this-year

****:
...
DRUM STICK
...

So the tags on the other website were only partially correct.

[SoCaliSooner]

Surprised there weren't light bulbs listed, along with carrots that snap off, or electric toothbrush heads....

[dallasstars10]

hahahahahahahaha nice
havent heard a mathis brothers **** joke in a long long time

That's all i think of when i see mathis brothers. gerbling!

[Barry Zuckercorn]

What Did We Get Stuck In Our ****s This Year?

Stuck?........... Nothing!