What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums This Year?

Posted 610 day(s) ago 1738 Views 34 Replies
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  1. #1

    What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums This Year?

    As in past years, the Sun Sentinel has created a searchable database of emergency room visits around the country. And as in past years, we have trolled the data for the finest examples of insertions showcasing extraordinarily bad luck and/or ingenuity.
    Sorted by orifice, working south:

    Ear:
    KEY
    BUTTON
    HOT WAX
    PLASTIC DART
    PIECE OF PAPER
    "TOOTHPICK AND THEN HAIRPIN"
    WOOD
    SCREWDRIVER
    PLASTIC DRINKING STRAW
    ERASER
    FLY
    RUBBER BAND
    KNIFE

    Nose:
    DIXIE CUP
    HAIR BARRETT
    "TWO KITCHEN MAGNETS IN EACH NOSTRIL"
    COLORING PENCIL
    NICKEL
    WAD OF TOILET TISSUE
    MARDI GRAS BEAD
    SMALL TOY
    PIECE OF PLASTIC HANGER
    PICK-UP STICK
    "BB PELLETS WHILE TRYING A MAGIC TRICK"
    SCREW
    STICKER
    CRUCIFIX
    BATTERY
    TOY DIAMOND
    "A PENNY OR POPCORN IN NOSE, SEEMS BOTHERED"

    Throat:
    LEMON SEED
    MAXI PAD
    CHECKER
    THIMBLE
    THUMBTACK
    BUTTERFLY
    PLASTIC TOY GUN
    STAPLE
    KEYCHAIN RING
    NAIL
    MODEL TOY AIRPLANE

    ****:
    SPOON
    PLASTIC ZIP TIE
    FORKS
    ORNAMENT
    "PIECE OF TIMBER"
    PEN
    SODA CAN POP TOP

    ****:
    BEDPOST
    "WAS DARED TO PUT A COSMETICS BOTTLE IN ****"
    TOY MICROPHONE STAND
    SPOON
    "**** RING THAT BECAME DISLODGED"
    METAL BAR
    2 SPONGES
    PIECE OF BASKETBALL SHORTS
    SEWING NEEDLES
    "PATIENT STATES SHE SLIPPED & FELL ONTO A TOY TRUCK WHILE CLEANING"
    HAIRSPRAY CAP
    TUB STOPPER
    "12YOF GOING THROUGH MOM'S DRAWER, FOUND **** SHAPED 'PLEASURE ITEM,' EXPERIMENTING PUTTING IN HER ****, COULDN'T GET OUT"

    Rectum:
    FRENCH BREAD
    HAND WRENCH
    CIGARETTE LIGHTER
    CRAYON
    "STUCK TOY IN RECTUM AND BROKE OFF, SAW MOM INSERT TAMPON AND MIMICKED"
    VIAL OF BATH SALTS
    ARTIFICIAL CHRISTMAS TREE BRANCH
    DRUM STICK
    VINEGAR BOTTLE
    LOTION BOTTLE
    MOUTHWASH BOTTLE
    SHAMPOO BOTTLE
    BABY BOTTLE
    "LOOFA W/SUCTION CUP W/HOOK ATTACHED"
    http://m.deadspin.com/5971049/what-d...tums-this-year
    2 users like ArbySooner's post: platypus, Tug Medick


  2. #2
    Originally Posted by ArbySooner View Post
    Rectum:
    FRENCH BREAD
    HAND WRENCH
    CIGARETTE LIGHTER
    CRAYON
    "STUCK TOY IN RECTUM AND BROKE OFF, SAW MOM INSERT TAMPON AND MIMICKED"
    VIAL OF BATH SALTS
    ARTIFICIAL CHRISTMAS TREE BRANCH
    DRUM STICK
    VINEGAR BOTTLE
    LOTION BOTTLE
    MOUTHWASH BOTTLE
    SHAMPOO BOTTLE
    BABY BOTTLE
    "LOOFA W/SUCTION CUP W/HOOK ATTACHED"
    The Mathis Brothers have really stepped up their game

  3. #3
    ****:
    PATIENT STATES SHE SLIPPED & FELL ONTO A TOY TRUCK WHILE CLEANING
    So many things going thru my mind...small truck? large ****? Cleaning whilst naked?

  4. #4
    By DRUMSTICK, do you think they mean musical instrument or chicken?

    Also, suppository bath salts? I guess I've been doing it wrong...

  5. #5
    Sancho's Avatar
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    How the **** do you put french bread up your ass? Dude, you are doing it backwards.

  6. #6
    Originally Posted by Sancho View Post
    How the **** do you put french bread up your ass? Dude, you are doing it backwards.
    wonder if he wipes his ass with a napkin and his mouth with tp

  7. #7
    Originally Posted by Sancho View Post
    How the **** do you put french bread up your ass? Dude, you are doing it backwards.
    Huge South Park fan.
    2 users like RockFlagandEagle's post: BraveSooner, mxATVracer10


  8. #8
    .
    Last edited by soonerintn; July 20th, 2013 at 12:39 AM.

  9. #9
    Originally Posted by soonerintn View Post
    Didn't know you could search a database for such things. I guess since the database isn't specifically for one hospital, then it passes Hipaa.
    No names?

  10. #10
    Tug Medick's Avatar
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    I love French bread

  11. #11
    McRib's Avatar
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    What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums This Year?

    I usually hear about some icicle-in-the-vag/booty issues this time of year. They can injure, but, of course, melt, as opposed to becoming lodged.

  12. #12
    AcousticSoup's Avatar
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    What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums This Year?

    I mean, who HASN'T slipped while cleaning and got a Hot Wheels lodged in their snatch?

  13. #13
    Let's see how many comments we can come up with in 20 seconds ala Tosh.0.

    ****: Soda can pop top:
    I betcha I can open up this can a pop with my dick!
    The following users like this post: OSUSUCKSDICK


  14. #14
    .
    Last edited by soonerintn; July 20th, 2013 at 12:39 AM.

  15. #15
    Tug Medick's Avatar
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    I love squash.

  16. #16

    Re: What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums This Year?

    Originally Posted by Julz View Post
    The Mathis Brothers have really stepped up their game
    I guess they got bored with live animals.

  17. #17
    jdmt37's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ArbySooner View Post
    I guess they got bored with live animals.
    Wonder if that rumor's actually true??

  18. #18
    I just saw a chick on myfreewebcams stick a champagne bottle up her rectum, she will definitely need surgery in a year or two.
    Last edited by usaosooner; December 27th, 2012 at 11:04 AM.

  19. #19
    melbitoast's Avatar
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    Who the **** and how the **** do you get a god damned MAXI PAD stuck in your THROAT!?!?!

  20. #20

    Re: What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums This Year?

    Originally Posted by melbitoast View Post
    Who the **** and how the **** do you get a god damned MAXI PAD stuck in your THROAT!?!?!
    Replace maxi pad with the variable X (item) and throat with the variable Y (orifice). Now you can go through nearly the whole list with that sentence.

  21. #21
    drumhead23us's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by melbitoast View Post
    Who the **** and how the **** do you get a god damned MAXI PAD stuck in your THROAT!?!?!
    That is true love right there.

    Also, if they mean an actual drum stick up the ass, that's not all that impressive...unless they took the whole length.

  22. #22
    I recruit physicians and I get all kind of stories while I'm working... An example: One guy came in the ED with a raging urinary tract infection and severe bladder pain. Doctor did a scan and found that the guy had inserted a small snake in his urethra and it got loose and died in his bladder.

    Lots of other stories with various item like an engine piston, coke bottles, broom handles, various small rodents and a ceramic frog... Some people have serious issues...
    The following users like this post: McRib


  23. #23
    Originally Posted by Soonerrecruiter View Post
    I recruit physicians and I get all kind of stories while I'm working... An example: One guy came in the ED with a raging urinary tract infection and severe bladder pain. Doctor did a scan and found that the guy had inserted a small snake in his urethra and it got loose and died in his bladder.

    Lots of other stories with various item like an engine piston, coke bottles, broom handles, various small rodents and a ceramic frog... Some people have serious issues...
    at least they're not shooting people in malls/theaters/schools....
    he needs another snake? hell i'd prolly buy it for him...

  24. #24
    jdmt37's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by 87sooner View Post
    at least they're not shooting people in malls/theaters/schools....
    he needs another snake? hell i'd prolly buy it for him...

  25. #25
    Originally Posted by jdmt37 View Post
    Wonder if that rumor's actually true??
    True.
    Nurses gossip.

  26. #26
    Originally Posted by soonerintn View Post
    Doesn't matter if names aren't given. If enough info is given to where someone knows who it is, then it is a HIPAA violation. So if you were in Norman and described a 400 lb guy with a squash up his ass and someone overheard it. If they could deduce it was Ralph down the street, it is a HIPAA violation.
    Ya but there's no descriptions either...the only ones we can even tell the sex on is under the "****" section. And even then it could be bounce.

  27. #27
    Originally Posted by Julz View Post
    The Mathis Brothers have really stepped up their game
    hahahahahahahaha nice
    havent heard a mathis brothers rectum joke in a long long time

  28. #28
    jdmt37's Avatar
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    I used to date a really cool ass, freaky chick that liked a dildo in her ass. One time it almost slipped into the abyss. I'm sure that would've been an interesting er visit.

  29. #29
    Tug Medick's Avatar
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    I love dildos

  30. #30

    Re: What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums This Year?

    Originally Posted by jdmt37 View Post
    I used to date a really cool ass, freaky chick that liked a dildo in her ass. One time it almost slipped into the abyss. I'm sure that would've been an interesting er visit.
    Did you pull it out with your teeth?
    The following users like this post: jdmt37


  31. #31
    KCRuf/Nek's Avatar
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    I used to date an ER nurse and she used to talk about this shit and I would never believe her. My favorite? The woman that came in with one of the 32oz GLASS Coke bottles up her snatch. WTF.

    BTW, how many times you think Bounce clicked on this one?
    The following users like this post: jdmt37


  32. #32
    Rectum:
    ...
    DRUM STICK
    ...
    So the tags on the other website were only partially correct.

  33. #33
    His Royal Highness the Honorable King of LandThieves Esq. III
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    Surprised there weren't light bulbs listed, along with carrots that snap off, or electric toothbrush heads....
    3 users like SoCaliSooner's post: McRib, platypus, SnakeDoctor


  34. #34
    Originally Posted by ousooners9192 View Post
    hahahahahahahaha nice
    havent heard a mathis brothers rectum joke in a long long time
    That's all i think of when i see mathis brothers. gerbling!

  35. #35
    What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums This Year?
    Stuck?........... Nothing!

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