The **** is Back
Wow it seems like forever since I've been here. *Between getting ready for Christmas, dealing with Christmas, having strep throat and just being tired, time has completely gotten away from me.
First off, let me say to DB, I'm so sorry you couldn't get my paternity suit dismissed. *And by sorry, I mean HAHAHAHAHAHA. *If it makes you feel any better, I told your attorney 10 days before the hearing that it wouldn't get heard that day but he chose to ignore me. *So the amount of time he bills you for his wasted trip to the courthouse - you're welcome! *Consider it my gift to you. *I'm so ready for this bullshit to be over. *I'm tired of waddling to the courthouse because he has not a single shred of human decency. *But that's neither here nor there. *It'll be over soon. *Now, on to more interesting things. *Namely, me.
I caved and went to Houston for Christmas. *My kid needed a crib and so yes, I caved. *It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be though. *Although I got a little confused when we hit Lake Charles, LA because when your adult "super store" is located in a trailer, I can't see that there is anything all that super about it. *But maybe that's just me. *I gotta hand it to my sister though, her directions were near perfect. *And when I say near, I mean her only mistake was telling me to take the 1st exit off the tollway when she meant the 2nd. Now that might seem like that would suck in and of itself, but when you consider that the last time I drove to Houston she had me looping the Beltway for 3 hours, that one little mistake was forgivable. *I was so pissed the last time I drove to Houston that I just wanted to stay at the Ritz and say piss on Christmas. *Her new place was gorgeous though. *Only thing I didn't care for is my room was upstairs and my fat ass was in no condition to be hoofing it up and down the stairs. *She got me good gifts though, which was a little surprising. *The BIL on the other hand got me what I am pretty sure are the same 2 pair of flannel pajama pants he gave me last year. *So back to Aeropostle I go. *Just like last year. *My mother of course got me mace. *Again. *She doesn't seem to grasp the concept that you come after me, I'm not gonna mace you. *I'm gonna shoot your ass. *But anyhoo, just like every year I say "oh wow, mace" and throw it in the drawer.
I was gonna blog while I was there but then I discovered Breaking Bad. *She couldn't believe I had never seen it and so she made me watch one episode and at that point, it was on. *I spent the rest of the time glued to the tv and now I'm gonna spend my 4-day weekend getting completely caught up.
So like I said, the trip was good and uneventful. *On the way back though, I got passed by a Lamborghini and then I passed a Rolls Royce Phantom. *At which point my mother says "holy shit, was that a Rolls Royce? *Slow down and let them pass you so I can see it again". *So I spent the next 30 minutes put-putting along I-10 waiting for this damn car to try to pass me so my mother could look at it. *The Rolls wouldn't ever pass me but when a Smart Car did, I was done. *I said seriously, I just got passed by a Smart Car and that's just embarrassing.
I'm ready to get back to semi-normal now though. I have my preparing for childbirth class week after next. *The parenting class was really fun (and terrifying) except that the first time I picked up my kid I didn't support his head and his head fell backwards and his eyes rolled up and it freaked me the hell out. *We all got those life-like, computer-run babies and there I am with my damn baby's head flopping all back and just rolling around. *It wasn't at all embarrassing. *I'm not sure I'm still in love with my Beband. *You know, that thing I got that is supposed to let me wear my pre-pregnancy pants. *The band rides up and bunches and as soon as it rides up my pants fall below my ever-expanding belly and it just becomes weird. *I'm gonna have to break down and buy maternity jeans because today at work I must have pulled my jeans up every 10 minutes. *Between pulling up the jeans every 10 minutes and peeing every 20 minutes, I was super-productive today. Not to mention the amount of time I spend pulling my underpants out of my ass-crack. *I have about convinced myself that I can break down and buy 1 little pair of maternity jeans since I only need to wear them once a week and only for the next couple of months. *I hit 29 weeks tomorrow so I won't have to wear them forever. *I hope. *I'm still not sold on maternity panties though but I'm starting to consider it. *
Anyhoo, that's all for now. *I gotta get back to Breaking Bad. *Plus I (I mean, the kid) want some fudge.