Dad Moved on last week.

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  1. #1
    macdaddybuff's Avatar
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    Dad Moved on last week.

    I lost a good friend and loved one in my Dad last week. Mom called me at 8:00 in the morning to tell me she found my dad not breathing and his lips were black. She called me immediately before she called 911. I made the trek in from Bville to Bixby and when I got there the Coriner was there. They could not get the stretcher back there to him so I had to help drag him to the door and down the hall to lift him up on the stretcher. Its something I can't get out of my head. Having trouble sleeping most nights thinking about it. Kept thinking he was going to wake up. Kept thinking is he really dead. Seeing his eyes roll around and lifeless body kind of haunts me.

    I prefer to remember all the good times we had. He coached and taught me and my bro how to play baseball from the time we were 2 on up till 7th grade. He took us hunting and fishing. Plus made time for us and was a great dad. Someone I will miss until one day I see him again in Heaven. My son is also struggling with it as well. He was the only grandson in our family. My pops took him fishing and would shoot baskets with him every time we visited. He was a great dad and a great grandpa. Love you Dad.

    Anyways my ? is this. The people that you cared about most if you saw them dead, or helped move them. What helped you get over it, do you ever get over it? Should I see a shrink haha??

  2. #2
    Mississippi Sooner's Avatar
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    In the past five years, I've watched five of the people I was closest to, including both parents and my wife, die. I hate to be overly-simplistic, but in my case the main healing force is time. And maybe it's because he was the first to go, but my dad was the one I had the hardest time getting over.
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  3. #3
    I haven't been through anything like that but wanted to send my condolences. That sucks.
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  4. #4

    Re: Dad Moved on last week.

    Originally Posted by Mississippi Sooner View Post
    In the past five years, I've watched five of the people I was closest to, including both parents and my wife, die. I hate to be overly-simplistic, but in my case the main healing force is time. And maybe it's because he was the first to go, but my dad was the one I had the hardest time getting over.
    +1 .. time.
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  5. #5
    prentice2's Avatar
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    Don't think you ever get over the loss, just have to come to terms with it. I lost both of my parents pretty close to each other while I was in college. Stay busy my friend and surround yourself with positive people. If you ever find yourself sitting around and feeling bad about this call someone and get moving to help take your mind off the situation. Don't know if anything I said will help but god bless and my family will be praying for you.
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  6. #6
    smot poker's Avatar
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    Sorry for your loss.

    You are dealing with a PTSD and time will help relieve some of the anxiety. I had a similar situation watching my 5 year old daughter nearly lose her life in an accident. I relived the sound of her head hitting the concrete and picking up her motionless body off the concrete over and over. It's been almost three years now and I still relive the moment but it is much less frequent. Don't know if my experience helps, but you have my sincerest condolences.
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  7. #7
    QRISooner's Avatar
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    Very sorry for you loss.

    Like the other posters said, the only answer to your question that I know of is time.

    My father died from injuries sustained in a car wreck. The wreck occured in April 1976 and he died in Baptist Hospital in OKC on June 14, 1976. That was my 20th birthday. It took a long time to even remotely enjoy my birthday. To this day I don't really like that day. Even stranger, his father died on June 14, 1946. I was born June 14, 1956 and my father died June 14, 1976.

    What are the chances.....?

    My mother died in 1991 of cancer. She died at home. I was there at her side. We had the same problem with removal of her body. I had to help carry her out the back patio because the corner at the front door was too "tight" to get her out that way.

    That was difficult.

    You never really get completely over it. All you can do is try and stay strong, remember the good times. And let time work.
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  8. #8
    MoJoOkie's Avatar
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    Sorry for your loss mac. I think prentice nailed it; time will ease the pain, but you never truly get over it. When you dwell on it (and you will), do it just like you did above and think on the things that were great about him. You'll cry, but at least they'll be tears because of all those great things that you shared.
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  9. #9
    QRISooner's Avatar
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    Like MoJo said, you will cry. Lots. Don't be afraid to.......

  10. #10
    macdaddybuff's Avatar
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    The paperwork you have to fill out is insane when it comes to loved ones. My mom has parkansans and trying to help her fill out medical,life insurance, SS, ****ion,and other forms seems like a never ending task. Plus not to mention here pretty soon mom and I are going to have a frank discussion about her moving in with my family or assisted living. Appreciate all the comments.

  11. #11
    This is a pretty tough thread to read. I'm sorry for all of you guys losses. I can't even begin to imagine, but I know i'll deal with it myself someday and hopefully not soon.

  12. #12
    KCRuf/Nek's Avatar
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    I didn't have to do anything like that as I was still in Vegas the morning my sister called. My mom found dad and he'd been dead for a while. She had been up for a while but never thought of looking in his office. She has always beaten herself up over what she could have done. Dad had the home phone and his cell phone on him but he didn't call anyone. Chances are he was dead before he hit the floor. My issues are that I avoided talking to my dad the last few days of his life. There wasn't any reason just me being stupid. What I wouldn't give for five more minutes.

    Time helps but it will never erase everything. Losing your best friend is something you'll never really get over. And having to go through what you did doesn't make it any easier. Depend on friends and use your memories every day. My dad passed in April 2009 and every football season it gets tough. Actually anytime OU sports comes up. Use your friends. don't be afraid to express your feelings.
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  13. #13
    So sorry for your loss Mac... I've had a similar situation with a very close friend. He didn't show up to work, and after checking in with his wife. We decided to meet at their house. She beat me there and had already gone in and he was dead on the couch with a still warm cup of coffee beside him. I told her to call 911 and get them on the way, while I pulled him into the floor and tried CPR... but it was already too late. It's been several years ago and I still think about that part sometimes, but it is also fading with time, and I remember the good times we had together. You'll probably never completely forget that moment, and you probably don't really want to forget completely about that moment... but you'll think about it less and less as time moves on. Sounds like you are already on your way and doing the right things... but if you feel like talking to a professional about it, don't hesitate.
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  14. #14
    Sooner Bob's Avatar
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    Sorry for your loss mac . . . I have never experienced the death of a loved one in such a dramatic fashion. And I'm not sure I would know how to handle it.
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  15. #15
    drumhead23us's Avatar
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    Damn, Mac. I'm sorry to hear this. my condolences.
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  16. #16
    sorry about your loss...i would be devastated to lose my father much less have to help move him after death. if it helps just try to think of the moving the body as a way to help your mother...again very sorry for your loss
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  17. #17
    His Royal Highness the Honorable King of LandThieves Esq. III
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    Originally Posted by macdaddybuff View Post
    I lost a good friend and loved one in my Dad last week. Mom called me at 8:00 in the morning to tell me she found my dad not breathing and his lips were black. She called me immediately before she called 911. I made the trek in from Bville to Bixby and when I got there the Coriner was there. They could not get the stretcher back there to him so I had to help drag him to the door and down the hall to lift him up on the stretcher.

    That right there is some bullshit. It's the coroner's job to move a body and know what they need to make that happen logistically and prevent the family from having to see and deal with that.

    That's a rough rough thing to have to see, especially if you aren't used to processing that.
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  18. #18
    So sorry for your loss. That's tough man.
    We were there the moments my son passed away. We held him for as long as we could. I didn't have to help move him or anything, but we were able to hold him, talk to him and assist the nurses in helping to get him ready to take to the morgue.
    Those moments and images are burnt into my head forever. Some are good and some are not so good.
    Time MAC... Time.
    It's ok to show your emotion. there isn't a day that something doesn't remind me of him and I get a little emotional. I think it's a "good" thing. I don't ever want a day to go by that I don't feel anything.
    Keep your head up. Take care. God bless.
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  19. #19
    Aurora's Avatar
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    Much love and condolences to you. I remember not sleeping well after seeing dad at the funeral home. He passed and I had to drive 8 hours home. I remember so much how thin and frail he looked after his illness took over but the look of him dead was beyond that. After a few weeks and after spreading his ashes in his favorite place in the mountains I felt better.
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  20. #20
    Filthy's Avatar
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    Man, I'm sorry you had to go through this. I know it would be extrememly difficult for me as well. I dont have a solution to your issue at hand, but only wish you the best.
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  21. #21

    Dad Moved on last week.

    Give yourself time. If nightmares start up, you become depressed for more than a few weeks or have another marked change, send me a pm.
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  22. #22
    macdaddybuff's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SoCaliSooner View Post
    That right there is some bullshit. It's the coroner's job to move a body and know what they need to make that happen logistically and prevent the family from having to see and deal with that.

    That's a rough rough thing to have to see, especially if you aren't used to processing that.
    Dude was old as well I felt like I was doing most the work. Not sure how they would of got it done had I not helped. I was thinking surely this can't be the norm. He did have an old lady with him she tried picking up the stretcher and couldn't so I did it. Bad thing is though I did not pick it up correctly. I know this because I grabbed it on the corners and lifted up. She pulled the trigger and dam if it did not pinch the shit out of my finger. Made me bleed.

  23. #23
    Sorry tp hear that my man. Condolences
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  24. #24
    macdaddybuff's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by WISooner View Post
    So sorry for your loss. That's tough man.
    We were there the moments my son passed away. We held him for as long as we could. I didn't have to help move him or anything, but we were able to hold him, talk to him and assist the nurses in helping to get him ready to take to the morgue.
    Those moments and images are burnt into my head forever. Some are good and some are not so good.
    Time MAC... Time.
    It's ok to show your emotion. there isn't a day that something doesn't remind me of him and I get a little emotional. I think it's a "good" thing. I don't ever want a day to go by that I don't feel anything.
    Keep your head up. Take care. God bless.
    Your a stronger man than I. Its tough to lose someone like a dad or mom. But lose a kid not sure I would recover from that. Appreciate the comments and God bless your family hope you never have to relive seeing a kid pass away.

  25. #25
    lauderdaleOU's Avatar
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    Man, this sucks. I'm sorry for your loss. I'm like a few others in that I have yet to deal with something like this. I dread the day that I have to. You and your family are in my prayers buddy.
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  26. #26
    KCRuf/Nek's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lauderdaleOU View Post
    Man, this sucks. I'm sorry for your loss. I'm like a few others in that I have yet to deal with something like this. I dread the day that I have to. You and your family are in my prayers buddy.
    All I can tell you on that is to savor the time you have with those you love. Too many times it's taken for granted until it's too late.
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  27. #27
    Originally Posted by macdaddybuff View Post
    Your a stronger man than I. Its tough to lose someone like a dad or mom. But lose a kid not sure I would recover from that. Appreciate the comments and God bless your family hope you never have to relive seeing a kid pass away.
    thanks man. i take something back. we actually carried our son down to the morgue. that was the hardest, toughest, longest walk ever.
    We had him swaddled up, wrapped up in a blanket. tough stuff man.

    Thanks bud. I'll be praying for you and your family.
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  28. #28
    Originally Posted by lauderdaleOU View Post
    Man, this sucks. I'm sorry for your loss. I'm like a few others in that I have yet to deal with something like this. I dread the day that I have to. You and your family are in my prayers buddy.
    Same here, I've had loss, but not a parent, yet. I just had lunch with my dad in Bricktown, like we do every week, and I know when this time comes, I'll be a complete and total mess. Very sorry for your loss.
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